tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
