I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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