Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
