i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You may now shotgun with the bride
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
