At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
