Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
