I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
