So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
