they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
