I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
