I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
