WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
