Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
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I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
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All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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