I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
