obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
