I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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