The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
