i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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