The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
