i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
