Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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