oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
