It's Friday. Sex?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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