i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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