i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
