theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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