I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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