I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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