My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
