Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
