True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have post one night stand depression
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
