An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
