I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
