She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize