this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
