Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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