shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
