It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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