i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
