I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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