Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
