I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
