Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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