update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
