I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
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Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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