what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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