So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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