wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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