i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
