Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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