I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Are we still banned from the library?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
