foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
