she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I deserve this hangover.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize