so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think I sprained my soul last night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
