By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
