Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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