Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
