Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize