i permit you to call me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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