I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We're too hungover to prance.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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