My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize