you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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