i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
