I think I won the penis lottery.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
