Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
