so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just want to make out with him forever
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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