apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
