My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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