She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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