Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
