I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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