I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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