just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
