I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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