Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
