I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
