dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
