I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
