He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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