kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
