he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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