shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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