I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
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Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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