worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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