I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
