I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
