i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
