be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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