and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
