I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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